Dealing with “What is” instead of the “What If’s.”

What do you spend most of your time thinking about? Is it “what if” or what is?  

What I’m getting at is a certain mental habit we’re all susceptible to at one time or another in our lives: dealing with the future and not the present. It’s “what if” vs. what is. 

This may surprise you – but many of the problems we d in our lives are not created by someone else. Not your boss, not your spouse, not your friends. Many of them were created by you by concentrating too much on the “what if’s.”

How do I know this?  I’ve been there. For many years in my life, I was in the habit of dealing with the “what if’s.”  

I thought I was being intelligent. I thought I was being careful. I thought I was covering all the bases for any given decision or situation.

I thought that by considering all the “what if’s,” I could make a better decision. Do you know what I found out? The “what if’s” never came true.

Not once.  

What I was doing was playing God, in a sense. I believed if I had mapped out all the possibilities before making a decision, I could make a better one. I could avoid the outcome I was most afraid of: failure. What I eventually found out was that I could never, ever cover all of the possibilities in any given situation. No one can, no matter how many “what if’s” you devise.     

What I eventually learned was to come from a place of staying true to myself. A place of believing in myself. Of trusting myself. Of being honest with myself. 

Dealing with the “what if’s” is really fearing what we think might come true, instead of what really is true. Making a decision based on the “what if’s” is one that is ignoring our real, authentic selves. We’re fearing failure. We’re fearing falling down. We’re fearing looking bad. In the end, if you’re coming from a place of being honest and real, you cannot fail.  

Here’s a concept that we can use to move beyond the common fear of failure. Failure does not need to exist at all. How can this be?  It has to do with our perspective on how things turn out in our lives. I used to believe that in life that there were either blessings or lessons. I thought that no matter what I did, if it turned out how I wanted it to, it could be seen as a blessing. If it turned out some other unplanned way I still learned something. That made it a lesson. Lately I’ve revised that outlook. Instead, there are only blessings. If I set out to do something and it didn’t turn out how I wanted it to, there certainly is a lesson in it. But just because it’s a lesson doesn’t mean it’s not a blessing too. The blessing is that I’ve learned something from the experience and can take it with me in the future. Therefore, a lesson is blessing. Sometimes, the lessons can be hard. Like stubbing your toe, they can catch you off guard. The important thing is to make the choice to learn what that lesson is there to teach us and turn it into a blessing. There are no failures. There are only blessings. 

I realize you may be reading this and thinking, “Sure, Ramsey you’ve had a successful career in music, on TV and radio. Your life is all about blessings.” I can tell you this:

I didn’t plan it that way.  When I was learning music in my teens, I planned only to be best pianist I could be one day at a time, one week at a time. I didn’t plan to see my name in lights. I didn’t plan to have hit records. I didn’t plan to be on television and radio. None of those things attracted me. The one thing that attracted me and I could take charge of was to play the piano better and better with each passing day and week.  

Eventually, my name was in lights. I had hit records. I was hosting radio and TV shows.  I was given more awards than I ever could have hoped for. Still, years later what is most attractive and appealing to me is getting up in the morning knowing that I’m being as real with myself as I can be. Whether it’s a recording session, practicing, composing, or just the everyday routines of life, I find joy and satisfaction in being in the moment.   There were many years where I was succeeding in my career as a musician but not enjoying my life in the moment. I wasn’t enjoying what is. I was too busy spending my time and energy with the “what ifs.”    

The next time you are faced with a decision, an idea, or a proposal and try to come up with all the possible outcomes and you start thinking, “what if” I urge you to take a different route. Think about what is. Ask yourself, “how can I make this decision so that it’s true to who I really am right now? Am I being honest with myself or am I just reacting to the ‘what ifs?’” Realize that the only thing you can truly control is being the best person you can be, no matter what you do and who you are.  

I hope you consider this perspective after you’ve left my blog and go back to living your life. Replace all of those “what if”  thoughts with what is. You’ll be filled with blessings even when you do stub your toe. Give it a try and you’ll find out what I mean. If this outlook doesn’t work, you can always go back to concentrating on the “what ifs.” But I doubt you will. You’ll be too busy enjoying what is.